There is a special kind of violence we don’t notice because it comes from within. It’s the voice that demands: be different. Not who you are now. More focused. Calmer. More productive. Kinder. This voice seems like an ally - after all, it wants our improvement. In reality, it persecutes.

We wage war against our own behavior without understanding what lies behind it. Procrastination, irritation, avoidance - all of this has causes we don’t see. And as long as we don’t see them, they control us. While we only manage symptoms, through suppression.

Why doesn’t this work? Because violence against oneself is self-distrust in its purest form. I don’t believe I’ll manage. Don’t believe I’ll learn - if not on the first try, then on the thirty-first. Don’t believe I’ll grow.

But everything comes through experience. Through falls and rises. An oak grows from a small acorn - not instantly, not without difficulty. Yet we demand initial perfection from ourselves. Which doesn’t exist and cannot exist.

Fighting ourselves, we cut our own roots. A person at war with themselves cannot trust themselves. And without trust - only control. Backup plans. Avoidance. The circle closes: the more violence, the less faith, the more control is needed, the more violence.

This doesn’t mean - lie down and give up. Doesn’t mean - indulge every impulse. It’s about something else: seeing what’s happening. Understanding the cause, not warring with the effect.

But here the traps begin.

A person hears “stop pressuring yourself” - and starts pressuring themselves with a new demand: don’t pressure. Or accepts the idea that “everything has causes” and turns it into justification. Or understands intellectually, nods - and this understanding becomes another layer blocking direct seeing.

Explanation itself is a trap. It creates the illusion that this can be obtained through words. But words only point the direction. Looking - you’ll have to do yourself.